whether I am thin or fat,
whether I can tell a good joke,
make a good souffle,
or if I am well-liked at work.
They are not troubled
by the sound of my snoring
or crying;
they just want to be as close to me as possible.
If you told them
that sometimes I say the wrong thing at parties,
that I am sarcastic
and that I can be a bit self-righteous,
they will just cock their heads
and look at you blankly.
If they could, they would tell you
that I always move the couch
so they can retrieve their tennis balls,
I pretend to accidentally drop food,
stroke their ears just right,
and that I unconsciously pet them in my sleep
in a way they find eternally endearing.
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